not a part of. Everywhere I swim
it is there and away from my body.
Surrounded and not included. Pressured
eyes see through the bright lights in the kitchen.
Youre standing there, kneading dough. Pinching
the edges and everyone always asking questions
and getting ready. Our business laying flat on the counter
for everyone to read. Airing out our issues, conflicts in
front of the refrigerator.
I was going to write you today. A letter;
telling you I had unnecessarily pinned you
with faults of mine. That you were a diamond
for putting up with it all. That I could one day, live
like you like to live life. With all everything. Believing
everyday that this is truly the most beautiful.
My body feels inferior most of the day and despite
my education, my brain falls victim to the need for
hair dye and bone crushing diets. carrots.
But she is not. She is here. Annoyed that wine glasses
get broken. Hair in the drain. Filling the dishwasher.
No full length mirror or money for professionals. Hunched
and crying into her keyboard. She won't blame you if you walk away.
She can't stand her own self sometimes.