Saturday, January 6, 2018


I just keep asking myself, Who am I? Who am I? And then looking down into artifacts of the past to try and conjure up some identity. Am I the person who got caught in the rain with you, at just the right moment to kiss under my umbrella my sister brought back for me from Thailand? Or am the person that just blew lines with my friend's roommate, blacking out to the point where only fragments of the night flash like strobe lights in my memory? Or maybe, I'm the little girl who believes with all her heart that every visible inanimate object has a soul and therefore kept her picked scabs in a secret container once, not bearing the sadness of being able to throw them into the trash...they were a part of her, you know. The little girl who could throw nothing away.

It's difficult to sit with yourself and dive deep into who you think you may become, what you will contribute, how you will vacation. Your transgressions and mistakes. The quest to find yourself is a child's game, and one filled with such longing to matter. Be important. Make a difference. Very sane and contemplative people have said that the quest must be inward and it is circular in that you end up where you started, with yourself. Always yourself. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

The Frame

I know that if we had just grown up together with someone who knew how to frame us, we would have beautiful compositions of our bodies together. My legs elongated around you, with just the right amount of sun kissed hue. Our faces lit by the dimmest of candle light. Our teeth as white as paper. How rapturous it must be to have flawless documentation of moments spent together, the pose almost meaning more than the experience itself. The angle. The crop. The backdrop. Just right.

But we grew up capturing the blurry instant that had no filter. Our bad wardrobe decisions, cratered faces and wooded-lots bare for everyone to see. Maybe no physical documentation exists for those moments. Did they even happen?

I'm sure that the feature of our faces could look proper with professional direction. The height of my heels would be perfect. The fold of your suit, superb. The artist would know just where to place the contrast and bump up the shadow to make us look otherworldly, the most in love. 

Friday, February 24, 2017


There are a few mountains in orbit around me who think they can land whenever they chose. They lay claims to my beating heart and the breath that fills my lungs. They purchase the skin that holds my ribs and stake a flag on my thighs. They hover and touch down, kicking up the dust of my memories and scattering the papers of experience all about my runways. I'm usually left, standing bare, in the middle with disheveled and dry hair, thirsty for any liquid and wondering how I got caught up in someone else's air. The vortex of a few words snaps me up violently and acutely.  I am theirs during the exchange.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Current Realizations

The virtual exchanges were all initiated by me, I realize now. Those quick, fast hearted chats and emails were all I had to keep my blood pumping in those days. You came back, though, a few months later after my will had perished, to tell me you were having a beer downstairs and to join. Your terms.  I am sustained by your distant longing, enveloping every bend of my legs and arms. It braces my regular movements and insulates me. My buffer, the transcendant and irreplaceable first magick light. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016


Amidst my own positive messages of self healing and encouraging those closest to me to keep in the light, underneath it all is a subterranean sadness I feel for the American people. We are all a people of color. Where boys can paint on their eyebrows and ladies grow beards. We blend genders, races, ethnicities, ideals, values, religions, music, messages, and identities with the underlying message that we are all worthy of living on this sacred Earth. There is a place here for everyone, even as we seek to forgive those who voted in hatred to our highest office. May we surround them with light as we seek to destroy their limited view of our worthiness. May we sharpen our intuition to offer guidance to our young. May we rise up in mindful revolt to reject the narrow minded. And in our rejection, may we offer them healing as they have been wronged, too, so deeply by our capitalist and greedy society. Today, play patty-cake with a grown adult, look into their face and notice the beautiful color of their eyes. The Divine is here, within us. Let us glow together.